Procrastinating? Maybe...

So, I’m meant to be studying right now, but I thought it would help with my upcoming assignment if I could just write something. Ironically, even though I’m studying for a Creative Writing MA, I haven’t been able to do a lot of writing lately!

We have various readings and activities to complete as part of my MA, and I find that I’m not completing many of the activities (they’re not mandatory though, so I might be putting too much pressure on myself!)

I was convinced that my first assignment of my second year would be a failure, I wrote it when I was incredibly lightheaded due to PoTS, but I scored a 73. Maybe I should have more confidence in my work, and more faith in myself. Severe case of Imposter Syndrome right here!

I’ve found this winter more difficult than usual, possibly due to being so exhausted with managing multiple health conditions, and my studying. It’s felt like a bit of a grind! That said, there have been positives – despite having to cancel a few planned catch ups in December, I made it to some of them. I even made it out out on New Year’s with some good friends (rather than my usual drinking wine in my PJs!)

No new year resolutions from me, I always feel like I’m setting myself up for failure, and it places too much pressure on myself. Instead, I’m focusing on being as healthy as possible, and enjoying life. Acknowledging the negatives but focusing on the positives – without joining the Toxic Positivity club of course!

Focusing on the positives can be difficult in the strange times we find ourselves in. I’m half expecting to wake up from a very deep sleep or a coma, and all the craziness with the US dystopian nightmare to be just that…not real, just a nightmare. I feel for anyone in the US who is LGBTQIA+, people of colour, disabled folks, women, the working class, the poor, essentially anyone who isn’t a Cis-Het, rich, white man.

Also, of course not forgetting the bloodshed and ongoing genocide in Gaza – I’m aware of the ceasefire, but I don’t think that Israel are keeping to their side of the bargain… Hopefully we see an end to that soon, as well as the ongoing conflict in Ukraine and Russia.

To round this out, I have one positive to share. I had a successful doctor’s appointment yesterday; this is regarding my weird symptoms which may or may not be Lupus or a number of other random conditions. She took her time listening to me, asked for several different blood tests to be taken, and referred me for an addition test. It makes a change from the usual dismissiveness.

This is a bit of a rambling ‘blah’ post, but there you go. I hope you’re all as well as you can be, and that 2025 is treating you well so far. The end of winter is close :-)

Jo xx